Hare Krishna Maharaja, please kindly accept my most humble obeisances; all glories to our Founder Acharya, Srila Prabhupada;

all glories to your good self,

for your many years of selfless dedication to serving him.

HpS - Hmmm. I think that our service has been quite motivated. We want him to save us from hell from our lust tongue and belly. We want to have some interesting, fun, service!!! Oooof! Obeisances to him.

Again and

AGAIN and

A G A I N !

I have never been very good at making speeches and singing the praises of others, and so I wanted to dedicate my meager words in honor of your Vyasapuja celebration. I am certain that your initiated disciples will be more qualified and sincere in expressing their appreciations than what I could offer.

HpS - Which is better apples or bananas?

Unfortunately for me, I am not one of your initiated disciples, but I have a great need to be accepted as your disciple, just to take guidance from you.

I have been stuggling with a quagmire of emotions and decisions about how to be of service and where to serve.

For want of a surrendered attitude I have failed to take proper shelter of your association.

Simply I have grieved to you about my problems, looking for emotional support in order to survive whatever trauma life gives me in devotional service. And you have extended yourself seeing my pain, and knowing that I am weak in my heart and mind to nicely surrender.

HpS - Hare Krsna!

I want very much to surrender. I once thought that I knew how to surrender, by taking initiation, by always doing the needful: and feeling genuine satisfaction because of it.

I felt like I belonged; I felt protected. I was thinking to myself "this is the story of the rest of my life," and I was in bliss believing it with all my heart. But surrender unto the spiritual master is not just some formality of initation and doing the needful, or some blissful satisfaction that is ephemeral at best.

The disciple must be willing to take shelter of the spiritual master's instructions: "ha ha prabhu koro doya." Doya means the spiritual master shows his mercy by imparting transcendental knowledge to the disciple, so that the disciple can become free from all the miseries of life.

If there is to be any hope for peace of mind and freedom from all the miseries of material existence, the disciple must make the instructions his very life and soul: otherwise what is the purpose of accepting a spiritual master?

I don't know if in this same lifetime I can ever again have the same surrendered attitude that I once had so many years ago. But I have found hope in taking shelter of your association and being able to render some menial service to you during your visits;

sharing candidly with you my humble thoughts and offerings; and feeling enlivened and inspired to sharing Krishna consciousness with others because of your association.

I wish with all my heart that I could surrender like I did so long ago. But all I can do is hope that you will accept my wishful thoughts as my offering to you, on this most auspicious day of your appearance.

Your lowly servant,

Balabhadra dasa

HpS - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNVWVLkjknQ

From the stage show the 'Fantastics'.

The show's original off-Broadway production ran a total of 42 years (until 2002) and 17,162 performances, making it the world's longest-running musical.

We forget the negative aspects of our surrender in the past also, no?

You're right.

We have to not think that now I am an older devotee.