Hare Krsna dear Maharaj,
Please accept my humble obeisances,
All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
This is Lakshmi, daughter of Raktak Das. It has been too incredibly long since I have written to you dear Maharaj. I always always think "oh I need to write to Guruji, I need to," yet my mind is the bigger enemy and I have not. I am the biggest fool. Please forgive me.
HpS - Thinking of you all and hoping to hear from you!
One devotee told Srila Prabhupada that he was "the biggest fool", and Srila Prabhupada responded. "you are not the biggest anything". 😃
So much has been going on in this life, so much activity. I've been managing okay, however, it seems to have been quite the difficult year for me, mentally.
I have not been able to focus properly on much as my mind has been too preoccupied in a lot of distress - all aspects of the material world, isn't it?
And on top of this, I know this is my downfall, I am still not consistent with my chanting or sadhana. I want to be, I want to have this desire to chant and not do it as a chore. I really do, I just want to do more. And be more.
I know it has to start with myself. If I try, Krsna will reciprocate! I just have to keep trying, not being lazy. Laziness is my biggest shortcoming.
I really hope that in this new year, I am able to concentrate more spiritually and materially, so that all can be well and all can progress in harmony.
HpS/ASA - I could have written the above word for word. I think the Gopis say the same things! We are all trying to advance at our level!!
Try to make little promises that you know you can do, and then do them.
Eg. I will get up for Mangala arati three times a week until the next Ekadasi.
Then do it! Let you mind whine, but have your intelligence tell it, "We thought about this carefully and we know that you can do it! Get up. It is only for two weeks and then we can see the results and make our next decision, either more or less early rising."
In other better news, I have one semester of Uni left. I hope to graduate around July this year, and then I'll be qualified with a bachelor of design. I have many ideas I would like to fructify, and hopefully I can create some things. I can very much dovetail these skills in sharing our philosophy and its teachings.
ASA 🐵 👍
Spiritually speaking, this year has been great in one sense - I have begun a weekly Kirtan program at the temple. It has run for almost the whole year, since we begun, and it has been going excellently.
ASA - Super, SUPER, S U P E R !
We do Kirtan for at least 2 hours on Wednesday where there would normally only be the pujari in the temple at this time. Sometimes we have a full temple room. We also cook the Prasadam at Govindas every week and bring it to the temple as there are less facilities at the temple.
It has become such a nice Prasadam feasting party that even it supersedes the Saturday feast program 🙂
This has been really nice to do and I really feel that Kirtan is a way that I can connect with Krsna. I really wish it can extend toward daily practise.
Harinam still goes on, I have been less inspired to go out. Again, this year, I really hope that I can become more active and more engaged with my heart.
HpS - When you go out on Sankirtan some one may see your effort, your smile from the effort, and that may literally save their life, decide not to commit suicide!
If the Kirtan is not good, work to make it better!
I am still working casually, and when I graduate, I just wish to travel.
And this now brings me to the point which aches me. My Taya Ji (papa's brother) recently contacted me.
My papa always used to say that you told him that you will not be on this material plane for that long, till about 2024.
I remember him telling us this news. And I always see you write this on your blog and twitter etc.
It's so sad and I cannot really imagine this news. I really need your association. I always wanted your shelter, and I have always admired you and aspired for you. But I just knew I was not ready, spiritually for all this. I mean of course it is only me hindering myself. But I just knew I couldn't take a vow and not commit completely (as many seem to do unfortunately).
I really want you as my official guru. But I know I am also struggling with my sadhana. And so this is really my predicament.
I have been pondering this for so long, even before my Tayaji mentioned that it would be September. I am torn, and I don't know what to do. But all I do know is that I need your association at least, so that you may instruct me in some form.
HpS - In Canto One we remember Yuddhisthira lamenting when he finds Dhrtarastra and Gandhari have left for the forest.
He wants to protect them.
Then Narada Muni arrives and we think that he says, that Yuddhis. should think about his situation. Y is declaring that he will protect G and Dhrt., but he himself is under the clutches of death!
Only Krsna can save us.
So I may die as soon as I push the Send button on this letter and you may die as soon as you finish reading it. 😃
P'pada says, "As long as we are chanting HK we are packed up together.
I think that we may all end up in Nabadvipa with Nimai when we wake up in our next bodies!
We recommend Yadunandana Swami as nice Spanish Diksa Guru, even to Sannyasa, and here there is Radha Krsna Das who is nice Diksa guru.
We are already too old to handle the Karma of the ritual.
That is natural.
You are no longer a darling little girl of seven.
... but. we can certainly attend, even if we are gone, the rituals and act as friends and advisors.!
I would like to arrange that after I graduate, I will immediately come to India and come where you will be so that I can serve and receive your instructions.
I would really want to do this. I would like to know what are your thoughts and how you think I should proceed with this. I feel this connection to you Guruji and I have always since accepted you as my Guru. And of course, the connection with my father through you as well.
Please please guide me. Tell me what I can do. I can even defer my semester if it means that I should have more of your association and can receive more instruction from you. Or somehow do it all online. I really would do this. I would like to know what you desire as well. Please allow me to be of some service and fulfil my desire to be of some service to you. I beg.
I have told my mother and she is happy for me to come to India. And in that regard, everyone in the family is doing good. Bheemsen graduated Year 12 this year, he will look into doing some plumbing apprenticeship. Nandini is studying Finance. Devaki-Nandan is working at a warehouse. My auntie and uncle are working as they do, continue to serve their Saligrama. And my mother still works in the Brisbane city council. All are well, family in Baku and India.
I very much hope to hear from you soon, and see you. We will now soon record a video to send to Madhumanjari for your Vyasapuja. I will also write you an offering on that day as well, but we will as a family wish you well.
My pranams to you Guruji, I really only wish the utter best for such a great devotee of the Lord as yourself, and I am so so privileged to be able to even have your association and be able to even write to you, I am so blessed.
Please please bless me to continue in service of the devotees and the Lord.
Your insignificant servant,
Lakshmi
HpS - We may leave our body on Friday the 12th. We don't know. We have ragged heart beats sometimes now.
On the other hand we may live to be 120 years old in this body!!!
Right now it is 5.16pm and we will go to the Temple.
Cold here and chant some more rounds and look to associate with the devotees.
Already people here from two continents.
AGTSP!
Draupadi by her determination caused the death of 640,000,000 men, no?
So a chaste and demur young lady can also save the lives of 640,000,000 men, no?
Our only real travel plan now is to go back to Tennessee at the end of February and then stay for at least a month.
After that we have to see what's happening.
Thank you.
We really wanted to hear the news about the family.
Best regards to them.
Please tell Bhima he should worship Varuna. 🙂
