Letter

1 year, 10 months ago by Bhakta Loren in Personal Sadhana Reports

Dear Gurudeva,


danvadat pranam.

Please accept my humble obeisances.

All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!


really thankful for your encouragement and your mercy on me in the letter. When i thought back on it while worshiping at my home altar, at once i also felt a similar kindness and mercy from them making it past my hard-heartedness/poor self image. You and the Lordships helping me up, dusting me off, fixing my collar and patting me on the back.


I read the sikstastikam daily with my japa circle group and pray that i can become humble and tolerant enough to serve spontaneously and constantly without (or with ever decreasing amount of) offenses and never fall down again. At 44 i may be 1/2 way into my lifespan with so much to learn and un-learn.


Around the time covid restrictions started there was talk about possible supply-chain issues when it came to food etc and i started to build a greenhouse from a kit in the backyard. The last step of fixing all the plexi panels was challenging using the provided hardware and the greenhouse sat 95% finished for almost 2 years. When i found a better way to mount the panels it was finally off the to-do list and that created a domino effect in the backyard where Cecilia followed up with a lot of runs to home depot and lowes for trunk-loads of material, and the backyard really came to life. We chant at least one mahamantra and panca tattva a day offering our food. Im not sure how the details of my current life will change or stay the same as i try to lay my life down at the feet of Guru and Krishna and try to let go of anything that is not compatible with that. Her father passed away spring 2019 at 82 and her mom is in her 80s at a nice senior facility in daly city. She’s a very caring and loyal person and gives me the freedom to do what i like, but i can’t twist her arm to come to the sunday feast- for a newcomer it takes some time to become familiar with the community. Her mom like mine is Catholic. Cecilia does a lot of work advocating for people at odds with church dogma. And works hard at it.


There’s an amazing devotee in SF from mexico, Vaninath, that will spend his last cent on books to give to other devotees, newcomers, etc and wait in bread lines for food. He lives in an sro in the tenderloin- used to live at the berkeley temple and served as a pujari there. He tells me the story he was kicked out because there was another devotee from russia that was standing with his feet on one of the prep tables in the kitchen and when he asked him not to there was fight or conflict and Jagannath Swami told Vaninath that he’s an illegal that just showed up, and this other devotee required a fair amount of money to bring to the us to also serve as a pujari there. He was kicked out and told me some pretty gnarly stories from his next four years living homeless. The last book he gave me was a beautifully illustrated large format telling of the Ramayana, the one before that was a Bhagavatam set he wanted me to give to my sister. I have my own Bhagavatam set, but that boxed set, i still have it and haven’t given it to her as he asked, because as much as i would love to pay forward this blessing im just not expecting her to have the right association where she can appreciate or understand it. If im wrong here please help me! Ive given all my family members smaller books like isopanisad, beyond birth and death, also Bhagavad Gita (Jaya!). I think the only one that’s been read was beyond birth and death becuase i asked my mom and dad to read the whole book with me on my birthday around 8 years ago. My parents have stayed at new vrindavan in WV with me during Gaura Purnim. One year for a christmas gift i asked them to avoid eating meat for a week- THEY DID IT! My mom has been painting photo-realistic water colors since the early 80s, she painted a picture of Srila Prabhupada for me for christmas 5 years ago.


My studio music is in a mostly idle state. I hope to get a chance to use it in the future as a platform to help spread the holy name and facilitate others that do this. I dont see kirtan as it is lacking anything needed to do this though. I also like to use music technology to explore/inquire into sound/time/rhythm/timbre/texture- just been more busy with getting up/going to bed early. At the moment im trying to get better/get started on harmonium and mridanga. Id like to be able to learn and help preserve some of the things Prabhupada gifted us without too much unnecessary embellishment.


hope you are having enlivening inspiring times at New Biharavan and look forward to seeing you there


Hare Krishna Gurudeva!


thank you


your servant,


Loka Bandhu Rama Dasa


hps - We are running to arati etc. your letter is too long for our little brain. so we had to start scanning it after first paragraph. it is great.

green house

celia catholic

vanniantha