Dear Maharaj,
PAMHO AGTSP!
Dear Maharaj, we think of you daily, how can we chant better 16 rounds daily, do our duties better, become a bit happier so we can serve our husband better. He has told cooking and cleaning will not help our relationship. He has informed us leaving him alone and when he rejects our affection, not going mad, will better help our relationship. Again extra marital actions on his part. We felt like a hole in our heart. Tried to offer love to amend the heartbreak, but become worse upon being violently rejected. It’s like a situation of an unwanted child born to a mother who hasn’t accepted she’s now a mother and every time the child needs her, she freaks out on the child.
Upon rejection, we lost our mind that all our efforts and still the relationship does not become better, and we almost left. But somehow still here. We try to cook as service to you, Krsna and him 🙏. We know we are very flawed, our service is very poor quality, but all we can do daily is show up and try again with enthusiasm, determination and patience (we very very much lack in this). Still struggling to figure out how to have sane varnashram situation, decent sadhana, wife duties that pleasing to husband, and some activities to keep us busy after our attempts on the above.
We miserably fail daily in our very unpalatable service. We just hope Lord Krsna sees our effort instead of the quality of our poorly done service 🙏. So unqualified, yet because of your mercy He may still glance on it 😇 🙏. The heart feels happy today feeling your love and affection for us 🤗. Simply living for the day when I can give you some news that will make you happy with us, proud of us 🥲.
your aspiring servant,
Yajnaseni
HpS - Hare Krsna.
AgtSP.
Trying to put your letter in perspective we can understand.
One thing that comes to mind is the situation of Mandodhari, the wife of Ravana. An extreme situation. Along with Sita she is considered an example of a chaste women for the entire universe,
but Prabhupada commented that we are not on that level and it is Kali yuga not Treta yuga, and if a wife has genuine problems with a husband who is fallen from a spiritual or even a human standard then she should not try to imitate these Vedic ladies of earlier ages but place some distance between herself and her husband and take shelter of the devotees.
As we know he recommended that solution for the wife of Karandhara Das in Los Angeles: She live separate from him and situate herself in practical, nice, service in the Los Angeles, New Dvaraka, community, and pray for her husbands adjustment.
Again we are Sannyasis at a distance.
Use our perspective, but also develop other counselors, and as you describe your efforts you will conquer this situation and come out with assets that will never fail you again in the future.
We want to wake up.
Your esteemed husband wrote to us a short letter also, and we answered as best we could, basically repeating what we said before about divorce.
Basically the same comments that we just made above, and wrote before in great detail.
It is almost 8PM.
A few more letters and then we must rest our old donkey.
Thank you!!!
As you describe the situation you are a very great soul.
Maybe in you next life you can date the role of Mandodari!
😂 😂😂😂😂
HpS - ASA.
Paoho.