asa-e; vad; grhasta; divorce
We have been participating in discussions of grhastha ashrama and divorce. We remember that we made some recommendations in: https://monkeywarrior.com/detail/12644/
Here are some responses to our very humble, small, ideas:
Dear Maharaj, please accept my respectful obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
My understanding of your advice is, that Tara Dasi and I can get separated legally, to allow me to legally accept a new wife.
HpS - We are suggesting it as a second class solution. Improving the relationship with her to make a functional marriage is first class.
In such a case the divorce would only be a formality to satisfy civil laws but all legal arrangements would be made so that the real substance of the situation is insured and clear.
As we understand reality a man cannot divorce a chaste wife. He must take proper care of the first and then may try again. It is like one not liking his first child. He cannot abandon the first, must give it all love, even in the form of chastisement, and then try to get another.
Hare Krsna! 😊
These things are automatic if our spiritual life is healthy, no?
I need to ensure I give her a comfortable amount of money, to sustain peacefully and live a reasonable middle class life. I also need to ensure that she is emotionally doing well under her parents/brother's care, until/if she remarries.
I wanted to raise my concerns regarding taking care of her emotional needs after divorce. Firstly, I haven't been able to adequately take care of them, even when married, as I never fully understood them and also found them to be too demanding.
HpS - If a child, wife is mad, then we can only try to satisfy their physical, psychological and spiritual needs, but we must offer the help, and learn how to do the job better. Reasonable healthy life.
All the more, after divorce, it would be very detrimental to second marriage, and I was planning to discontinue all communication with Tara Dasi after marriage, to enable a more peaceful second marriage.
HpS - As we understand, this is the big illusion that developed in this modern, industrialized, world, that real marriage is a superficial arrangement, like buying a car, but that is what our perspective in this situation denies. Getting married really, not just having a business arrangement with the opposite sex for immediate purposes, is a long time commitment, just like having a child. We can sell our car and buy a new one, but it is difficult to separate ourselves from a wife, child, parent.
Again this is reading Vedic wisdom from a self realized soul, and our own depth experience of the situation for over fifty years.
The second (or we see third, fourth, fifth!) wife is going to be quite conscious of the fact that the husband divorced a previous wife: If I give myself to him in marriage, will he really take care of me?
By the mercy of the continuous chanting of the Holy Names all these things can be practically resolved.
Requesting you to please allow to discontinue all communication and contact with Tara Dasi post separation, to allow both of us to move on emotionally and connect better with the future new partners.
HpS - My Lord, we are not the authority to "allow" these things. As we have mentioned, we only want to be a friend and counselor to everyone involved and give more general expression to these dialogs so that they can have some broader benefit.
Of course, there are so many details. Srila Prabhupada recommends Parasara Muni's Dharma Sastra [https://vedabase.io/en/library/sb/1/9/27/#bb15336] to get guidance on how to deal with our marriage, automobile ownership/maintenance, and I think we have enough energy to discuss these things from our perspective in general for a couple of more years.
Then we will die (😉), but from now on I think we can only handle them in letters posted here in the Blog, preferable by all the parties involved ie. Let us send a summary of our situation to The Wizard of Monkey Warrior, and get his opinion.
O.K? Any comments here? 🐘
Your servant,
Yogananda
