Divorce, the Mirage of Bliss?

2 years, 8 months ago by hps in Special Category B

vad;grhasta ashrama

AgtpS ! ! !


Tom Brown, Buck White and Uncle Gismo,

We get asked to give advice about marriage relations, and like any ordinary people, we automatically think we are qualified to give it. Why? Because we are being asked to do so.

Then our association with Srila Prabhupada and Krsna gives us perspective and we actually come to a more accurate perception.

  • By nature and situation we are in the Sannyasa order. Our first advice is almost always renounce. If there are problems in your relationship renounce them. That is the natural fault of a Sannyasi, false renunciation. We, by nature and situation, are not qualified to give specific advice on Grhasta relations.
  • We are uniquely situation to give good advice because we are not closely involved in the situation viz. No one knows who discovered water, but it probably wasn't a fish.

We are thinking of one particular situation directly in front of our attention right now that will hopefully allow us to give some useful advice.

Our first advice is, along with Krsna and Srila Prabhupada's books, get Ashrama gurus eg. Parents or other family members who are battle tested. They've been through it and have come out successful.

You will need them in the beginning, middle and end.


Divorce is no more realistic than pulling our your teeth, because you are having trouble eating. Some cultures who are recently following the American lead will think that cell phones, nuclear weapons, birth control pills and divorce are good.

We Americans come from a culture that is now 3rd world in marriage relations, and having been involved with divorce since birth I can say that it does not work.

The Vedas say that it does not exist.

If a boy and girl have reasonable consultation before marriage (by people who have two hands, two legs, and can hold down government jobs) and then say, "I do", before a priest and succeed in living together for 3-5 years with out killing each other, then divorce won't work.

Your too much connected.

You've grown your second set of teeth. Your babyhood is over.

There is no divorce.

Vedic description of psycho-physical nature of girls is that they can only give themselves once.

You can only grow your adult teeth once.

Well, you may ask, what about your HpSwami who is divorced, and it is a good example?

Yes, paste the devil on the wall.

  1. He did not apply for divorce, his wife did.
  2. He entered into Sannyasa life and never returned (which justifies his wife getting remarried after six years [good woman <bet a good second husband also>].
  3. His mind returns to his son, wife every day and tries to create a happy family life. He looks like he went through marriage in a sincere, Krsna conscious, fashion so he will be able to extract the deep attachments while in Sannyasa ashrama, but if he had been able to go through the complete cycle it may have been more natural.


From the Dude's, point of view, if he follows the advice given by the Sannyasa and Ashrama gurus in conversation with all involved, and it is not working out, then seems he might take a second wife. This can be legally adjusted in terms of the current legal system but in Vedic perspective, he has to continue to love, protect, his first wife eg. Offer a good Ashrama situation like seeing that here father and brother are looking after her. She is getting descent income from her service. All the world knows that he/she are still fulfilling the obligations accepted in the Marriage Vows and she is not a



Second-wife will be like a set of false teeth, but in some rare cases this is better than the real ones.

There is no Romeo, there is no Juliet. The best we can do is Kardama and Devahuti, and they both had great qualities, and the conclusion was that they both realized that marriage is a therapeutic relation only for mentally ill people and as soon as we can help each other go through it and get back to our real family life in Goloka as nicely curved blades of grass we should do it.

You may have noticed that this letter does not cover a million different things, but that is that nature of Grhasta ashrama, it may take 25-years to perfect it.

That's all for today.

UG/TB/BW (et al).