Hare Krsna Beloved Gurudeva:
AGTSP, PAMHO
Jaya Gurudeva. I am closing the year with a substantial fallen [fall] from the stairs, ha ha. It is kind of weird I always fall down literally. No bones break, But hefty wounds
and bruises. Nevertheless, my spine is not compromise thank God ¡¡¡
I have superb angels I think haha.
I have realized that I can not stand suffering, for me is really traumatic to suffer even mentally, emotionally or physically. I tend to have so much fear. This is a very shoddy feeling.
I know that sukha dukha are fluctuating. Nonetheless, I tend to have a pessimistic view of things, subconsciously I do this in order not to feel disappointed at the end of the day.
I need to have more faith in Krsna. Avoid expectations. And really internalize that I am not the controller. For instance, there is a passage in movie in which a lame lady (Miriam) was chanting the Glories of Lord Jesus Christ one Roman fellow was passing by and address to her: Why are you praising Jesus? He did not cure you? Why is that?
And then she replied: I asked myself the same question. For Him it would have been so easy to cure me, but I guess He did not cure me, so that others like me know that their distress would not deprive them of happiness inside His Kingdom. I really loved that response, but my faith is so much far from her position.
I guess that I need more association, more reading and chanting
I am attaching the youtube link of that scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYtSXqdLfjU&list=PLvBT1CsEpIT6m5TgWHW_U9vUz_FYitnQR&index=37
Thank you all so much Gurudeva
See you tomorrow at FMP
Trying to be your disciple
CMDD
HpS - AgtSP. Nehabikramo naso sti, BG ~2.35.... the progress may be slow but it is eternal. We have gone through different problems, sometimes we chanted sometimes we didn't. When we chant Krsna gives us advice. If we are to insincere to take it, then we CHANT for Krsna to give us sincerity.
Chant during the pain and it does not touch me. Have to surrender to just crying like a child, like Draupadi for Krsna.