Hare Krishna Gurudeva! PAMHO! AGTSP!

Divya Drsti devi dasi from Cusco asked me to send you this letter:

Hare Krishna Gurumaharaja

Please, receive my humble obeisances

All Glories to Srila Prabhupada

Gurumaharaja, thank you very much for your last answer, It was great.

Gurudeva, I have a question

Do I get married or not?

Since I am a little girl like 11 years old I dreamed with love, now I am 44 years old and I need to solve this enigma, I have heard a few lectures of ISKCON about grihastha asram and I realised that It is not easy.

However I have the desire to get married, I do not know exactly why......maybe because I did not have enought loving care and confidence from my father when I was a child or it is simply because it is a woman natural necessity.

I have been suffering a lot because of this, of course before been a devotee I tried to have a formal relationship but It had a very painful ending.

Now that I am a devotee my mind has change totally since 11 years ago.

Although I know it is difficult to get married....knowing that maybe I will lost my freedom...I feel attracted to get married.

I saw the possibility to live with matajis because I feel alone but It is not easy to organize It, women need to have covered all their needs and need security and sometimes I think I could not stablish something like that for my friends matajis, I have the doubt.

On the other hand if I do not get married maybe I will ask myself always: "why I did not try It? maybe It would work".

Married or not married definitely I want to share my life with devotees, or live next to devotees or next to a temple.

My material family is nice but they are not devotees, as I am trying to become a better devotee sometimes It does not help to live with them, but It helps only when I have to learn to be compassionate, tolerant and patient with them....that is the advantage to live with my father, my sister and brother.

There is a page leaded by Maharaja Jayapataka disciples who make arrangements for marriage. It seems a good page, I would like to try it, I have the desire to have a husband, even despite knowing that maybe I will suffer or it would not be good.

Unless I will chek and satisfy my desire in a relative devotional way, I have this feeling of doing It putting Krishna in the center.

As you know Gurudeva I was a tour guide, I had two opportunities to have a relationship with Karmis but because I always wanted to get married with a devotee I did not took these opportunities.

I want to feel peace in my mind and my heart, I really want to feel stable to serve Krishna with art, it's been many years I have this feeling, now the time arrived to solve It.

If I would get married and suffer unless I will get purified.

Married or not married I am going to do my service of puppets and kirtan and doing preaching with art.

Of course, I would like a husband who helps me with the preaching. My idea would be to look for a devotee who would want to preach, maybe to live 6 months per year in Cusco city and Sacred Valley organizing preaching activities with art and the rest of the time maybe in his country or traveling to preach too.

Well this is my utopia.....I do not know if Krishna wants that for me.

Unless I really need to solve It and take a decision, I need to have peace in my mind and focus in my service.

If Krishna wants me to be single celibate devotee maybe the things will go in this direction, but I would like to feel peace in my heart with this, not feeling uncomfortable, dissatisfied, embittered or incomplete or that I did not married because of fear.

In one moment I felt very fear thinking: If my husband do not let me preach with art!!! No, that would be terrible!! I would prefer to be single in that case.

However the idea would be to look for a husband that would agree to help me with preaching.

Gurudeva, I am so sorry to ask you about it, but with my father I can not talk about this subject, because he does not understand me.

I have been listening HG Mahatma Das Prabhu Lectures and he says why do you generally think negative? Maybe you find a devotee that is good for you a sadhu that helps and inspire you in your spiritual life, as well I have talk with a mataji that serves in GVT grihastha visión team of ISKCON and she recommended me before jumping to marriage to know well the person.

Gurudeva, please could you give me your advice, opinion and recommendations?

Thank you very much for your help.

Your servant:

Divya Dristi DD.

HpS -ASA --- Hare Krsna! AgtSP. Please accept our humble obeisances. Your letter was a little long so I had to skim through part of it, but I think I have a good perspective.

I would say that you should try to marry Krsna. Of course, that is a very high aspiration, but if He comes as a Deity, then you might ask Radha if She will shar Him with you. Krsna can handle 16,108 Queens, why not a few more..

On the other hand, at 44-years you should probably think about a Vanaprastha relationship. It is not unnatural. It is too old to start a family with children, but there are many, many children who are looking for mothers (aunts). Maybe Krsna will send a devotee who is looking for the same thing, some emotional relation, in Vanaprastha ashrama.

So Krsna or Krsna representative.