Please accept my humble obeisance, all glories to Srila prabhupada! Gurumaharaja, I just got the Whatsapp texts from yesterday. I sincerely hope that reaching out this way is appropriate.
HpS - Most of the discussions should be carried on in the Blog, because 90% of the dialog is something that 20% of the readers also are asking. So, if we discuss it one time here then, 5-more people get their basic answer and don't have to ask the detailed questions.
Beyond that, please use a pseudonym and open an account where these questions can be answered without stupid public focus on any individual! O.K? We just can't answer 500-letters a month. Oooof.
I am not certain if I am acting in a way that is appropriate for second initiation. I am unsure of what Ashrama I should be in or how to behave in that Ashram to be acting on a Diksha platform.
Brahmacari seemed inappropriate as it required close association with men and I have this same gender attraction!
I tried to minimize it, but keeping distance from the men while also keeping appropriate Bramacari relationships with Matajis which left me with no association at all. 😀 😯
Grihasta is problematic because a.) my understanding is that marriage is not appropriate for same sex couples and b.) my understanding is that Grihasta ashram is for producing and raising Krishna Conscious children, which is not possible. There is not a clear, distinct Vanaprasta ashram that I have seen.
HpS - I would say that a) and b) are true. C) might be in the relation with Rama and Sugriva. They swore a vow of friendship, I think even with a fire-sacrifice, which is just as binding as marriage.
Vanaprastha has just become a formal Ashrama in ISKCON as far as I know.
When asked by a homosexually inclined disciple what to do, Srila Prabhupada recommended to get married immediately. The enquirer was confused, but Srila Prabhupada was fixed in his second letter. Maybe the idea is that wife knows husbands situation, and they adjust there internal and external disparities and have kids and love them and get them on a simpler path and feel satisfaction.
Ultimately, and we want ultimate satisfaction, not just playing solitaire to pass the time, we already have a gender in Goloka and we have to act in terms of our lover, Krsna, in terms of that. The rest is just some way to make the best use of a bad bargain and create a rather peaceful situation in this world.
I have several disciples who are more or less in this situation. Other Gurus do to.
Basic principle is chant 16-enthusiastic rounds/day, follow four reg strictly and then Krsna will give you intelligence from within and without and then you have to share that with others.
Are you doing that? Can you do that???
In short, I do not know if I am acting at a Diksha level and I do not know what stage of life I should be acting in.
HpS - Yes, first have to answer the above 16/4 question. As Sannyasis 90% of our solution will be on that level and.... tell you to look for other devotees who have come to that platform from your situation.
One devotee who is now ISKCON Guru, Sannyasis, GBC, asked Srila Prabhupada when we was a Brahmacari in New York, "Srila Prabhupada, I cannot stop thinking about illicit sex!".
Srila Prabhupada answered that, Yes, because of the birth you have taken, you will not be able to stop thinking about it, but if you chant Hare Krsna it will become a peripheral thing and even a motivation for purification.
Tom Brown and Buck White will now tell you a confidential secret: They think that H. P Swami is actually Chinese monk trapped in a white man's body.
We all have problems!!! We have to solve them individually and then KRSNA will tell Radha, "Hey, just see our s(he)it solved this new problem! No one has ever done that before!! What a cool Dude(tte)!"