Hare Krsna gurudev.
Dandavat pranam at your lotus feet.
HpS - ASA --- Lettuce feet. AGTSP..... so so so so nice to hear from you!!
All glories to Srila Prabhupada The founder acharya of ISKCON .
Respected Srila Gurudev H.H. Hanumatpresaka swami Maharaj
Hope you are doing well. I am also OK physically . Sorry for not writing . I had nothing to say and was guilty that i cannot follow the basic standards.
HpS - We are all struggling to come up to the next standard. Feel proud that you made this our that effort.... and got this or that result. Report. Got 55% on the test. 60% was passing. Last exam I got 45%
My mind is always troubling me . I am tired now of fighting against my own self . If i follow strictly then i start seeing the bad around myself . I remember you said people in Syria have more challenges than me ..but I am not in Syria.
HpS - In India? You know that there are people in India with worse situations than you. Some worse, some better. Start from where you are, no?
I have few questions that i humbly ask you . Kindly help me understand .
1) Why did you initiate me knowing that i am a complete failure in spiritual life ? ( i had never hidden anything from you )
HpS - As far as I knew you were following the standard for first and second initiation given by Srila Prabhupada when you were initiated into that level of class. You certainly seemed sincere then and you even seem sincere now. Ajamil tried to avoid fall down but still he did and then after a long time he achieved SUCCESS, maybe quick, may be slow, may be 4-hours and 15-minutes but it is our own individual path so here we go!
2) why after chanting and everything still i am not able to control my senses and mind permanently .When will the higher taste arise?
HpS - Again. It is very individual. Look at how many stories there are in the SB! Many different paths. As long as you are chanting you are making progress. Of course, the more you can introduce other techniques, eg. mangala arati.... the more effect the Chan Ting, Ting, Ting will have.
3) Why cannot i be a nice person ? What's wrong with me ? I am always critical of everyone and myself .Even after trying very hard i cannot seem to control my critical mind.
HpS - Maybe because you are perfectionist? I just don't know in detail.... but there is a reason .... and "kalau dose nidhe rajan...." harit kirtan destroys even the Karma of the biggest monsters. maybe you are Jaya or Vijaya taken birth in Iskcon. Maybe one day you will meet Jaya! Some enchanted evening you will see him standing.... Ha! Ha! Ha! (Twirl your mustache).... Chant. Chant. Chant and be happy. May not be perfect, but it can be progressive. Are you a psychiatrist yet?
4) what did you consider before initiating me?
HpS - Our conversations and recommendations of others whom I trust.
Other than this i am fine . Currently again in shillong (choose to study anatomy - was getting ENT but with my health and rest of the things...it would be too much to do so much hectic work ..anatomy is more relaxed. No night duty)
HpS - Very nice. I hope you find some nice friends with whom you can find a sane niche in ISKCON. I have seen such people.
My parents are also OK. (my mother also wanted me to ask you this questions .)
Sister is slowly becoming vegetarian .She plans to shift to USA for her residency . Planning to give USMLE step 1 next year .
Thank you for your austerities for our sake . I am sorry that you suffer because of me .Thank you for the kindness .
Rturaj Krsna das
Shillong , meghalaya.
HpS - Reading any exciting stories???? Got any nice places you like to go? Any sane friends??? Of course, in the material world we would have to ask, "Any half way sane friends."