Intense Frustation

2 months, 3 weeks ago by Andrea Ramirez in Personal Sadhana Reports

All Glories to Srila Prabhupada

All Glories to Gaura Nitai

PAMHO

Respected Maharaja

its me again... i havent feel good lately.

ASA - Yes, we know what you mean, but!!! We associate with Srila Prabhupada and then it is happy life. Happy as it is in the Prison.

there are so many things that have me so confuse and distress, i found myself no chanting and having struggle with following my principles. i have no idea why this happens. sometimes i feel i dont love krishna enough because is not normal to have this up and low downs so quickly, i feel spiritually bipolar. one day im very enthusiastic to chant and study and the next day i see myself tired and wanting to run away from KC.. i need to be honest, because if i dont im not going to get the words or the help i need to find out whats going on with me. i wish i wasnt this weak, i wish i had a better attitude towards everything but i just keep struggling and giving up. i cant go to any elder devotee here because all i get its empty words, i feel critized and jugded. this ON and OFF i dont know if its normal, or something i have to fix, i have try my ways of trying to keep my sadhana steady but its just the same, i do go for a long time and all of the sudden i lose interested... i try to associate with devotees but again, i always get betrayed or critized and its just...i cant take it anymore, i dont know how to deal with all of this... i feel i´ve failed Krishna and you.. i feel i wont be able to make..

HpS -There is a letter from Gopa-kumar Das we answered today which is just like yours. Yes, what you are experiencing is common. Many devotees have this. In the beginning our service is influenced by the modes of nature. When they are good our service is good. When they are passion or stupid our service is that way.

What I do, you do, is when the mood is good do as much as you can.

When it is bad .... do as much as you can... as long as you can breathe you can chant. Give your life to the Holy Names, Haaaaaa Raaaaay Krsna!!!! If they starve, humiliate you O.K.

Daya devi Dasi. She was deaf from before birth. What kind of challenge did she have in Krsna conscousnes? She wrote to me that she could feel the Kirtan through her feet!!

She chanted 16-rounds a day and met a nice older devotee and got married and helped each other and were happy.

Krsna is trying to help you. He is not wasting anytime, but we have got ourselves into such mess that it is hard to get us out immediately.

Go on! As long as you are chanting HK you are making progress!

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