Hare Krsna Maharaj,

PAMHO, AGTSP

You are the light or reflector due to whom we have our hopes , otherwise we could have surrendered to black witch easily.

ASA - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esEcwAWi6dk

Finally we have figured currently we are like foot soldier, even though our potential may be of royal counsellor.

We can not jumble up multiple principles, esp can not understand heirarchy according to TPC.

Seems in name of flexibleness we demonstrate fickleness.

With no example to look upon. I think our mind has been able to cheat us a lot.

Mother Urmila also said focus on small things and one thing at a time.

She said be kind to wife, no violence or demeaning language. For to be kind on her we need to kind on our selves.

We have tried to stay alone, but were not able to juggle multiple parameters like

Health (we did get up at 230/330/430/530) regularly but could not manage our energy level

Meal cooked manier times ourselves thanks to your guidance but goofed up on quantity/ over cooked/half cooked. Again energy level fluctuatedm we were able to ensure no onion garlic food for over a year. But can not gurantee of cook or utensil it was cooked.

Rounds somehow chanted average 16 rounds.

Career has been tough race, not able to keep up energy levels. Flawed here many times got rebuked also.

We remember your instruction its best if we can be at good position in university. Or be "sun of knowledge ".. We are not able to make harmonizable/sustainable efforts.

Reading/hearing sb/bg is just going. There is no system. It just somehow goes. Some audio class or dsb or some read.

Our head kept on spinning. Doc says its vaat rog, due to unregulated life, skipping meals (not prepared or in sufficient) .

Many tines we have let down devotee community. How can devotee do/react such things/ way.

It seems karmis are better than me.

ASA - No, real Karmi means he is only interested in himself.

I know manier times you say do what you can do . But than guilt builts up that v r coming down.

And doubt arises what's the gurantee if v come down now, we would come up again.

ASA - Jivera svarupa haya nityera Krsna Das. You nature is to play with Krsna. It will keep coming back. Make progress while the sun shines. Hide when it is dark,.

Our letter seems hay way. But thats best we can give in this moment.

I dont know what to even ask you.

May be what should be our minorities

To, all merciful and strict person.

A foot soldier

HpS - Good letter. We answer your letter and Candra-mukhi Deci Dasi's immediately because we see you in FMP etc. Honestly you seem to be doing O.K. You are struggling with rather deep currents, Karma, and any progress you make is eternal. I have the same problems and Mother Urmila Devi Dasi is right, make progress NOW. Jayananda Das: Don't feel you have to do a great service. Just done ANY service now. That is the best way out. Fix a vow of a certain number of rounds for a certain time eg. 11/day until next Ekadasi and DO IT.

Hare Krsna!!!!! You are on the right path. Keep shooting as the best you can and things will get more and more clear.