Hare Krishna, dear Gurumaharaja, Pamho, AGTSP!
"Nobody is a prophet in his own land".
My friend Om Purnam made this comment when I published an article on Facebook that told how well I did on my tour of Cuzco. Then followed Cochabamba and La Paz. It was a tour of the south that lasted 25 days. 15 programs in 25 days; between classes, workshops, seminars, etc. Fairly good. More preparation or reprinting of several ppts, readings, etc to prepare me, were quite a few hours of work. But, I felt happy, loved, useful. It's not that I'm too worried about success and fame. Actually I have always been between fame and infamy all my life. I worked several institutions, so I know how is like. In summary it was a successful tour.
And I returned to my reality. Once again I realized, again, that I am not the savior of Chosica, of Peru. I have been in limbo for several weeks.
The point is that I want to preach inside and outside of ISKCON, and in Peru the doors are closed. I have applied to various institutions and nothing has happened. Then, the phrase that I started with took on a new meaning. By the signs, it seems that destiny is sending me to other places.
Some friends recommended me to go somewhere else and I think they are right. They do not need me here anymore. In education there are enough people to develop it in ISKCON Peru. In addition there is not much demand, but outside, in society, there are many people who are looking for alternatives. After my experience in the university and some talks outside, it seems to me that work in the cultivation of the human spirit is a good preaching work.
It occurred to me to talk to P. Mathures (he invited me to Bolivia), that apart from being my authority I consider him my friend and I asked him to see if there are opportunities outside, in Bolivia or anywhere required. A place where I can serve the devotees and do some work, preaching, outside. I do not want temple life again, I already went through that experience and it's beautiful, but I feel that outside there are many people who are waiting for something.
I finished my master's degree, but I am missing the thesis and that can be completed at any time, and resources are needed that I do not have at the moment. Nothing really tie me up here. Here I feel useless, I know that I have a lot to give and I need to go to a place where I can do it.
Well, Gurudev, thanks for listening. I did not write before because I know you are busy and also I did not have things clear. Well, in reality the only thing clear is that there is nothing here for me. I hope that when you return to the USA you will have some time to talk and help me clarify my ideas.
Because of your mercy, my sadhana continues to be good and that keeps me alert and without being carried away by frustration. I could have thought ... I gave ISKCON many years, I stopped working outside to help the gurukula, then the ashram and the temple, I did not worry about my future, nor my maintenance, now I'm old and they do not want me anywhere anymore because They don't accept older people, who have not worked lately. I have no bank account, no opportunities, I live in my mother's house. It would have been simple to have these ideas, in fact many people have left ISKCON with this feeling or are simply full of resentment. Neither do I want nor am I ready to accept sannyasi's order. It would be ridiculous. Prabhupada speaks of those who take the order out of frustration. I want to be useful in the world, to help people from their realities. Cultivation of the human spirit.
Anyway, I know that behind everything there is a Krishna´s plan. Please, help me to figure it out.
ss LAD
HpS - Hare Krsna. Thank you for your letter. AGTSP. Paoho. We are just little Monkeys collecting little fried peas from off of the rocks at his feet. When he calls us and wraps a scarf with a message around our neck and says, "Lalita, Lalita!", or "Subala, Subala!", we hop up and down and chant, "Krsna, Krsna!" and take off running, swinging.
Krsna is such a greedy person that He always has so many ideas about how Krsna can enjoy some new adventure that we are naturally engaged night and day. Chant, chant, chant. Vidya-vadu-jivanam. Krsna will give you the intelligence how to carry out his mission and where to carry it out!
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