All  glories to Srila Prabhupada
All  glories to you, dear Maharaja

Please accept my obeisances, we are fighting  to  keep  us  firmly  taken  their  instructions  are  to  Srila  Prabhupada. We continue  persistent  with  our  4 principles 16 rounds, Sadhana  regularly  getting up at 4:00 am we are fighting against our fragile health and especially  against  our  fragile  determination to drag us Mangala Aratika.

Krishna  Consciousness is  always a party! We are happy. Happy!  In order to make garlands, to  see  their Lordships, to partner with you on this  site; Following  Prabhupada, I am savoring  feelings  I never knew much less imagine. After that  blind  uphill  battle  against an unknown enemy (material nature),  after  feeling  so upset, after much searching  for  God ... come to Krishna consciousness ... and  finally found  what  I need so look and throughout the life ... the love of Srila Prabhupada  through his books, I mean everything  to me and  then  you know who (to me) is  the  best representative of Prabhupada, make me  feel connected with him.

Associating  withthe  Vaisnavas  is a beautiful  thing  that fills the hearts of different  shades, though I confess that I have never known to relate appropriately with other people, so often I make errors related to the Vaisnavas. Fighting  against my nature is the greatest challenge. I can not do almost nothing for the benefit of Krishna consciousness, I am a bad cook, I'm  slow  with  flowers ...  The only skill  that I feel is to organize, manage, lead. Krishna  before meeting fight like a donkey, thinking that I could carve my destiny, I was always  hard  and my training  was  well studied management, accounting, auditing, there  is  almost  always  has a leading position.  While  ISKCON, a skill  that  does  not  seem  a  major  flaw  but  sometimes  I  feel  that Krishna consciousness is for artists, sculptors, graphic designers, engineer ... etc. Being in charge of the room with flowers, has shown me how difficult it is for some senior devotees receive instruction from someone as novice as I am inexperienced and to do it properly.

I know  that Krishna  consciousness is  my  place, but  have  not  found  how  to  use  what  little  I have  in  service  to  Krishna. "The  devotee  does  not  want  to be in  a  position  of  leader  but  a servant."  I  really  like  to  Understand  this  instruction,  but  my  nature  is  very  strong  and sometimes  drags  me,  other  times  I  try  to  suppress  it  and  try  to  be  humble  and  all  I  get  is feeling  frustrated  because  this  "humility"  is  not  real, is  only  an  appearance.  I  beg  Maharaja  Help  to  dissipate  doubts  How  is  humility?  How  I  can channel  or  repress  the  nature, to  be  useful  in  the  service  of  Krishna?

Please  dear  Maharaja, I apologize  for  this  letter so long  and  for  all  offenses committed in it.

Your aspiring  servant
Bhaktin Cruz Santa

HpS - ASA -   AGTSP   paoho.  10.33PM   Last letter for tonight for Monkey and Piggy and HpS.    Long day of classes today.  We are making a lot of progress in controling our senses.  We are here in Radhadesa, Belgium at the Bhaktivedanta College.  Monday we go to India, Vrndavana, after two years... . . . .

As I remember, Jayananda told us that humility does not mean to act artificially big or small.  Real humility means to understand your actual position and then work for the welfare of  all. Arjuna was an adminstrator.  He is the student in Bhagavad gita. How can we say that being a devotee means that one cannot be an administrator?   Yet, it requires effort and time to understand how to be a lady, how to be a ksatriya lady   FOR   Krsna!

So, try and do things nicely.  Don't be too worried about perfecting this service or that service now.  Be flexible. Try many things, but really focus on getting rounds done early and nicely.  Following principles strictly.  Getting nice appreciation for your relacion to Srila Prabhupada's books.

Mangala arati, Kirtana, Japa, Srimada Bhagavatam, Sankirtan according to your nature and ability.

Then 1st initiation, then 2nd initiation, and by then you should have a happy understanding or how to do an administrative service, or whaterever is your service, in ISKCON.   Jaya!

Good night!!!!   Oink!   Oink!    Whooop!    Whoop!