Dear Maharaj,
Please accept my humble obeisances and all glories to His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada.
It is so nice to see this forum and so many sincere disciples and followers leading by their steadfastness, always trying to improve their service and ask honest questions.  I feel very meek in their presence and yours.  This is a good feeling, to feel like a dog in the presence of great souls.  Hopefully with devotees mercy and yours I can be pitied and still be able to associate.

Mother Aruddha and Radhika Prabhu just came to Portland [OREGON, USA] and led a very important seminar on homeschooling which has been a great educational basis for starting a co-op in Portland.  I have tried to assist the community by maintaining a google group for Vaisnava Portland Homeschoolers to stay motivated, exchange ideas, and arrange further meetings.  This week I have helped organize our second Vaisnavi gathering that has focused on simple kirtan, prasadam, and exchanging ideas.  I am excited that Nick Prabhu and I will have our first home program, where Vaisnavi Prabhupada disciples will be speak on Krsna Conscious motherhood.  We are also humbly asking blessings for the coming of our child in three weeks from these devotees and you Maharaj.   [AGTSP paoho. We can only hope that you go on improving more and more an already auspicious situation!] 

I feel very motivated Maharaj to help serve this group of mothers and children interested in a homeschool co-op and want to raise our child in a Krsna Conscious homeschooling household.  I pray that Mother Aruddha and you will sympathize with my efforts and guide us in this endeavor or else my independent endeavors without Krsna and guru will feel very much in vein.  Aruddha said that if the parents maintain the principles, rise early for Mangal, chant, and make prasadam the child will naturally want to follow and be like the parent, no force is involved.  This is a good motivation for me to get my act together.  Mayapur and L.A.s live web cams help me participate in mangal arati now, and stopping my work as the preschhol manager (now I am 8.5 months along) has finally given me the blessing of being able to chant....no excuses ever again!

I am fickle though Maharaj.  I remember when I was 18, moved back to Boise after being in the ashram, and you said that intellectually I am my age but emotionally I am 12.  I still act this way when I do well for a few days then break that steadiness.  How can I look at death in the face now more than ever especially as I become a Mom which makes it even more vital and important?  What Bhagavatam section can most shake me up for the better or famous saint???  I want to convince myself whole heartedly that this is it and I am at the end of the rope.  I beg for your mercy to follow through on my promises to you and Krsna.  I want Wormwood to have nothing to write to Screwtape...! I think the only way to do so is to replace his letters with my own letters to you and Krsna.

Maharaj, you are very kind to listen to this banter.  Please forgive me for my many offenses.  I hope to stay in contact and be a better devotee for you and Prabhupada and the merciful Vaisnavas.

A very fallen servant,
Kamagayatri dd

 [There is no Magic Bullet that I know. Just pick up the books of Srila Prabhupada that inspire you, KRSNA book, Caitanya-caritamrta, are fine, but main thing is association. Get some reading partners: With the family, with local devotees, with friends by telefone and internet.  Write in a few weeks how you have worked for that association. We hope to give some inspiration for people to join us wih the Kapi Dhvaja.  Tell us how is can do this more and more!  Hope our new devotees appearance day is super]