All Glories To Srila Prabhupada

Dear Gurudeva, Please accept my humble obeisances.

I hope you are well and all your planes to please Krsna and Srila Prabhupada are going perfectly.

Here I am, still alive I'm really sorry I couldn't write before and I couldn't sent my report last december, I had nothing to say to you after the meeting we had when I saw you last time in Mayapur. I have nothing to hide and perhaps can be usefull for someone else tahts os goign through the same stage, so I will write what I really been wanting to write you long ago.

It's funny actually or I can say ridiculous but sometimes we get so much and we can't appreciate what we have. Krsna gives us so much and we are so stupid that intead of doing our best and try to keep it up, we are just thinking that this is not true, this can't be perfect and it's gonna finish any moment. Of course everything is gonna have and end but what I'm meaning with this is that "I got so much" I live in a wonderfull place, have a house to live in with all the facilities, nice family, wonderfull devotee husband that appreciates and respects me, an amazing temple with stunning deities 50 metres away and everything anyone could wish for, but last year I got depress with no reason, everything was so perfect that I was just scared that this could end at any moment and instead of doing my best and living the moment, I was just without wanting to do anyhting at all. Dhruva was doing everything he could to make me feel better and instead of helping, it was getting worse, he even took me to India to see you and visit the Holy Places,.... I was happy but still something wasn't right. Until Krsna did a "BOOM" in my life. When we return from India my mother got really sick, the temple she was doing service for didn't care at all, so I took her with us and been spending almost the whole month in hospitals. On the 20th of Dec she had and emergency surgery and she needed full time care, not longer after on the 24th Xmas Eve, Dhruva fall off a wall and broke his arm and again more hospitals, surgeries and full time carer. I've been looking after them day and night. Working to get some income too. So finally realised that Krsna was giving me so much because he was preparing me for the tough times, but silly me wasn't apreciating what he was giving me at the time. So I had to suffer in both, good and bad times. I wanted to tell you that when I saw you but I was so embarrased that words didn't came out, now I'm telling you this in public, leaving my ego aside and accepting that I'm not perfect and for stobburn I had my piece. You can't imagine how good it feels. I've never felt that good after accepting my mistakes before.

Dhruva is getting better, sadly mum is going for another surgery in a couple weeks, dad is moving with us next week also will be going to surgery in few months, my little brother is working hard and helping us out.

So here I am, going to Mangala arati at least 5 days a week, rounds are getting better, dressing the deities twice a week and more if needed (I'm in charge of the Pujari roster) somehow Sri Sri Radha Govardhandari are pulling me towards them. As a work I do the sweets for the Govinda's restaurant. I'm the secretary of the TP (Ajita Prabhu) doing some papperwork at the moment, help with garlands once a week and will be studying Bussiness Administration. Busy life and actually I'm really loving it. I finish the day so tired but I'm happy. Getting my life back and really enjoying the association around. New Govardhan is a nice community and feels like a big family.

We are really looking forward to your visit, I hope you can make it this time. I'm really missing your association and my god-brothers/sister's.

Oh yeah, we are having our Vedic Wedding on April 1st, it's "April Fool's day" but more important than that, that day is "Sri Rama Navami" exactly a year after our legal wedding and 7 years since I took 1st initiation, with all my ups and downs I'm still here, willing to do better and be helpfull in your sankirtan.

Trying to be helpful

Dhanesvari Devi Dasi

HpS - ASA   --  Congratulations. Now you are a lady. AgtSP.   Paoho.

O.K.   Next. . . .     What is you mission in life? The health issues come and go, but does Krsna have a specific mission for you?    Srila Prabhupada told Jadurani dd that she should be attached to two things, Krsna and painting.  What about you???     We have it from good sources that our job in this movement is to see that devotees who come don't go away, and you??