hare krsna maharaj,
dandvat  pranam, we are again writing you from andh koop, as our snake form senses  have bitten us and made us mad literallly...

grhastha-asram--- we understand the purpose of this asrama. but seriously lack any skill to make this work. neither we went under trainig nor we can see any trainer in our well of knowledge.

with so many conditions for it[asrama] to work [1] controlled husband [2] supporitve /trained wife [3] parental/ community/ relative support in time of crisis and other wise [4] good job to keep up all expenses

 we had good job but it was sapping our energy so we left it.we have none of them now.. our mind is wondering our we on correct path.. only answer we have god works in inconceivable way [ this may be our foolishness, only this give us little solace].. and ur lectures+ japaalso acts medicine in emergency..

we seen/heard strange things,

1.intiated couple preaching married for long[6 years] but have no kid... we thought its mandotary to have kid once u r married.....seems no kid thing is better as both are full fledgedly preaching.

2. single working girls serving their guru nicely.

3. aged working single men [ not joining brahmchari asrama].. serving nicely.

4. married people using contraceptives while in intial stages of KC and marriage. to avoid problem of child.....seems well advancing....

5. leaving marriage as sppouse is not helping..

we thought  by marrying the girl we touched  [ even though she was very very weak in KC] we did dharma. 

though gradually we understand our nature is little mayavadi , very low EQ, prefer to work alone, prefer to read scripture. still we think its better not leave family as we have taken responsibility. we are single son of our parents..

we preferred not to use contraceptives [ though wife consistently insisted]  as we thought it is against dev principle.

we left job to get more time eventually to preach, read, contemplate etc.

we dont know why circumstances are so opposite to every aspect/condition mentioned above .. nor they seem to be improving...though v think we tried to follow principle of dev service...results seems  contradictory..

some time we want to die or run away.. that wats the use of all this if all this pose hindrance for us to get intiated & execute purpose of life.

our hope are

1. the pains we get may purify us   2. thy immediate association

we are soldier fighting hard with heavy sheild and blunt sword. with repititve attacks , no reinforcement , food etc... but  some how we get intuition keep fighting help will come... we can not drop sheild , can not sharp sword, can not run away. [ may be this our speculation and its wrong] [but only this attitude keeps us, fighting till we now].

it has  been long.. but thy only we can tell.. adios... we kee fighting

our sheild is hari nama , and sword is scriptural studies. which give intelligence

HpS - Jaya!   AgtSP.       Yes, you are completely mad!   (Smile)      If I were in your position, that would be some good news for me. Confirmed.  Same solution. Don't worry so much.   99.999% of your fighting is against a stone pillar.

People are sitting here looking at you wondering why is this guy screaming and yelling. Banging his sword against this pillar?

Wondering how his sword got blunt.

Waving his shield in the air again and again to protect himself from the "Attacks" of the column.  Be happy with your family.  If Mataji wants to fight then take it as great fun. Don't get hurt. Stay out of the way of the big bites and have a good time.   Then she will also be happy.

Of course, a Sannyasi should not be instructed about all these details of the biology of Ghrastha ashrama.  For that you HAVE to have an, several Ashrama Gurus.   Of course, parents etc are the natural source of these.  Have any nice uncles?????  Aunts?????